Death Annoyance
by Sarryn
Summary: Spike's dead and finding that the afterlife is stranger and more annoying than reality. Beware the exploding sheep! Only one more chapter and then it's over!
1. Default Chapter

My other is serious so this one had been regulated to be weird

My other is serious so this one had been regulated to be weird. Enjoy some beyond the grave mayhem. Oh and don't forget to review.

Death Annoying

"Hey, you're dead too, well imagine that." Spike Spiegel groaned as something was repeatedly jabbed into his cheek. After staying motionless for a few moments he bit out a curse and grabbed the object poking him. The thing squirmed wildly then bit him.

His eyes flew open as he bellowed in pain. Hovering above him was a miffed looking girl of seventeen; dark black hair framed her delicate face. The object he was holding was her hand and what was biting him were her long nails. 

"What do you want?" he demanded angrily, releasing her hand. He glanced around and saw a bunch of oddly contorted sheep grazing in the blue field surrounding them. "Where the hell are we?"

"Nothing and we're dead so, technically, this is the afterlife," she informed him with a contented smile. "Now, then come along, you don't want to get caught out here when those sheep see the midday moon."

"What?" he asked in confusion. Was it only him or was the girl making no sense at all? Dead? He could believe that, but he just couldn't quite wrap his mind around the strange place they were in. 

"They go boom," she told him with a cheerful laugh. 

"Right…"

***

Spike lifted the spoonful of soup to his mouth and then nearly dropped it as a huge explosion shook the ground about him. Overhead the midday moon glowed with milky resplendence and across from him the girl, Ari, calmly ate her own lunch. 

"That's the sheep," she told him as she took another bite of her purple sandwich. "I don't know why they do that." He muttered something and ate his soup, ignoring the girl who had decided to tell him her entire life story. 

Three hours and eight bowls of soup later she finished with her death, something about a horrible flower arranging accident. He honestly didn't want to know, but she gave him all the gory details and he then wished he hadn't had so much soup. 

"So are you the only one here?" he asked, attempting to forget about his churning stomach.

"Of course not you're here now," she told him brightly, her constant smile was beginning to frighten him.

"I mean is there anyone else besides you and me?" he inquired. Mentally he was banging his head against a wall. What was with her? Did one's IQ drop a hundred points when you died? Or was this normal for her. 

"Uh huh," she nodded. "The sheep."

***


	2. More Exploding Sheep Goodness

I'm so enarmored of the exploding sheep idea that I decided to continue this despite my better judgement

I'm so enamored of the exploding sheep idea that I decided to continue this despite my better judgement. Please review and don't be afraid to tell me I'm strange. I already knew that.

Death Annoying, Part 2

Vicious opened his eyes to stare a milky white sphere hanging in the middle of the sky. A few moments later the sensation of touch returned and he felt something poking him insistently in the arm. Growling angrily he sat up abruptly.

"Another one, strange," a feminine voice muttered and then he found himself being poked in the face by a stick.

"Will cut that out?" he yelled reaching for his sword, which wasn't there.

****

Baaaaaaaaah!

BOOM!

The girl protected her head with her hands a tremendous explosion rocked the clearing. Bits of burnt grass and dirt flew around them. He looked around and noticed the huge craters peppering the blue field. Roughly a hundred feet away a herd of warped sheep stood 'baah-ing' complacently. 

"We have to get out of here now," the girl cried grabbing his hand frantically. He watched as one of the fluffy mammals chanced to glance up at the orb in the sky.

****

Baaaaaaaaah!

BOOM!

Another explosion of grass and dirt pelted them. The girl, having decided he wasn't worth getting exploded for, started running away. Realizing that being blown up would be rather unpleasant experience, he had already gone through that a couple of times with Spike, he followed her. Mentally he was thinking of various sadistic things to do to those sheep once they stopped detonating. 

***

"You."

"You."

"So you know each other?" the girl asked with all her annoying perkiness. Her expressive violet eyes jumped from man to man as they faced each other.

****

Baaaaaaaaah!

BOOM!

Neither flinched as another shock wave rattled the small cottage around their heads. She noticed both their hands twitching suspiciously, as if they used to hold weapons of some sort. Pursing her lips thoughtfully she wondered why they were so tense. 

"I'm Ari and I guess you've already met Mr. Spike, what's your name?" she said in a vain attempt to break the rather unsettling silence that, punctuated by the occasional exploding sheep, had fallen around them.

"Spike," Vicious hissed, gray eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Vicious," the evergreen haired man returned. 

"Oh so your name is…" she trailed off as the two men simultaneously attacked each other with their bare hands. She watched them tussle for a few moments, knocking into furniture and other objects scattered randomly around the place. 

She winced as Spike was tossed through the door that lead into her bedroom. Vicious soon followed, with Ari close at his heels to witness the destruction to her disorganized dwelling. It was only when they broke her four poster bed that she finally became pissed off.

****

Baaaaaaaaah!

BOOM!

"Alright you two barbarians, stop this or I will blow you away," she screamed over the exploding sheep outside. The two paused a moment to stare at the infuriated girl and the rather menacing rocket launcher she supported on one shoulder.

Their eyes widened to incredibly proportions and slowly they released each other.

"That's better, now boys if you want to fight you'll have to do it outside," she told them, once again overly cheerful and optimistic. Both nodded obediently and she tucked the launcher somewhere behind her. 

"Now Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious, since you're the only dead people here, besides the sheep, I think we should all try to get along," she gushed, clapping her hands excitedly. "I'll make us some soup and then we can sit down and have nice friendly chat."

"The sheep are people too?" Spike demanded pushing away from his former friend and now most tenacious enemy.

"Do you mean _people_ people or people people?" she asked from the kitchen that doubled as a dinning room. 

"There's a difference?"

"Of course," she replied brightly. "One explodes and the other doesn't without external means." Spike stood there scratching his head in confusion. For the life…er…death of him he couldn't figure out what she was trying to say.

"You're insane," Vicious stated bluntly. The girl smiled with blithe obliviousness at his insult.

****

Baaaaaaaaah!

BOOM!

***

Yeah, more exploding sheep goodness! Please review if you're brave enough and still somewhat mentally sound.


	3. For the Love of Forks ^_~

I guess people like the exploding sheep. So here's another chapter for all you wonderful reviewing people because that's the way I am. I hope you all realize that this really had no plot. Well, REVIEW and be nice.  
  
Hey Neko Ferris-chan, the forks are for you!  
  
Death Annoying or Death Annoyance  
  
  
  
With a sigh of contentment Ari leaned back into the warm water. From somewhere in the woods surrounding her small house the sound of vicious combat could be heard. She wasn't particularly concerned because it wasn't happening in her house. Whatever Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious wanted to do on their own time outside of her house was fine by her.   
  
Suddenly the sound of 80's pop music filled the air. She watched with curiosity as a nimble troupe of dancing, talking forks went by. They bopped and bobbed and twisted and shook their little forky behinds.   
  
"Viva la vaca," they declared before disappearing into the forest. With a shake of her head the forks were forgotten. Humming softly she grabbed a bar of soap and finished bathing.  
  
She was about to get out when a horrible shout filled the air and a huge wave of water swamped her. She sputtered in indignation as she resurfaced to confront Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious. They were still fighting like crazy despite the fact that they were waist deep in a hot spring.   
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she shrieked, distracting them from their life or death struggle. They turned to face her with similar looks of annoyance, then their eyes got really big and both blushed darkly.  
  
"What are you staring at...oh..." With a small yelp she ducked back into the water until only her eyes and upward could be seen. Bubbles began to furiously churn the water she screamed at them underwater. They couldn't understand her and she wasn't going stand up again.  
  
Suddenly the sun came up and the area was bathed in light. The water, being water, became clear and crouching down had no effect on the visibility beneath its surface. The two men blushed even darker and scrambled frantically out, or at least tried, but they kept knocking each other back in.   
  
While they were trying to escape the pool, Ari had grabbed a towel and had it firmly wrapped about her. From some mysterious place she pulled her menacing rocket launcher and aimed it at the two scared men.  
  
"Get out or I will blow you two away," she told them with deadly calm. They turned to see her standing there with the big gun and with similar shrieks they finally escaped the pool and fled into the forest.  
  
With a sigh of exapseration Ari tucked the rocket launcher away and walked back to her house. From somewhere in the distance the melodious sound of exploding sheep could be heard as the moon reached its zenith.   
  
****  
  
Strange, yes, and very weird. I just write what I feel like at the moment. Please review, and do I get a cookie now?  



	4. Migration of Sheep

I'd just like to remind everyone that this had absolutely no plot. In fact it is so plotless that it is the reigning champion of random insanity because anything with exploding sheep cannot have a plot in any universe.

Death Annoyance/Annoying

Things didn't seem to be going too well for Spike, Vicious and Ari for the sheep seemed to be migrating. The girl didn't know why, but the aforementioned animals were steadily coming closer to her small house.

"Are they…" BOOM! "Going south for the winter?"

"Not at that rate," Vicious commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike demanded.

"What do you think it means?"

"You want to fight about it?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, you're asking for it."

BOOM!

Ari ignored the two as the two began another battle; the sheep concerned her more than two men with relationship problems. She looked intently through her binoculars at the approaching creatures of exploding unhappiness. Every once and awhile one would detonate, but that failed to hinder their complacent progress.

"This isn't good," she murmured thoughtfully. Behind the conga line of forks went by, forky behinds wiggling to the beat. A few moments later bloodthirsty sporks descended upon the helpless kitchen utensils and it was a bloody slaughter.

Before her eyes Mr. Spike sailed past and smacked into a tree. He got up and launched a flying kick at Mr. Vicious. Another sheep blew up.

"It's about time to move," she decided and walked to her house. She snapped her fingers and it shrunk to the size and shape of a tea cozy. The why and how shall not be explained or more than just sheep would explode, but anyways she tucked the house under her arm and waited impatiently for the two men to stop fighting.

Two hours later the sheep, or what remained of them, were getting closer and Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious were wrestling on the ground. She jabbed them with her foot repeatedly, wondering if she should get out her rocket launcher and force them to move their manly butts or let them face their own destinies with the sheep. Being marginally kind she settled on the former and withdrew the launcher from some unknown non-space behind her back.

"Gentlemen, I would recommend a cease-fire for the time being. Please follow me and we shall remove ourselves from the path of the…" BOOM! "Sheep." They ignored her and she aimed the launcher slightly above their heads and fired. The missile screeched painfully through the air and blew up a nearby hill. Clods of dirt rained down upon them like brown rain, not a vary pretty picture…

They looked up at her in surprise. Spike had Vicious in a headlock and Vicious was reaching for a large stick with which to cudgel the green-haired one. 

"Okay?" They nodded eyes wide. "Good. Let's go."

****

Will they escape the sheep? Will anyone else appear? Will you review? I hope so because I'm willing to hear requests for possible playmates for those three. Of course they have to be dead or it just wouldn't work.


	5. You asked for more...don't know why...

Okay, I'm really suck at grammar in the past intros when I wrote "had" I meant "has". Now lets use the latter word in a sentence. This story "has" no plot and never will have (another tense of the same verb) a plot. The day it does have a plot is the day the men in white coats and holding needles stop chasing me.

Guest starring: Julia

Notes: Sort of bashing her, but no worse than anyone else. Sorry…I'm so mean…waaaahhh!

Death Annoying/Annoyance

"…What…is…happening…" Ari jerked awake as the blonde woman before them finally finished her sentence. Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious could be heard fighting over the next hillock along with the detonating sheep.

"What? What did you say?" Two hours later the second sentence was finished and the girl managed to stay awake for the entirety of it. "Um…first Mr. Spike and Mr. Vicious are fighting over there and second some sheep are exploding.

Baaaaahhhhhhh?

Baaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

BOOM

"…They're…explode…ing…?" Julia looked down to find the girl sleeping and the midday moon finally beginning to set. As soon as the opalescent orb had moved a quarter of an inch out of its most dangerous position all sheep baahed indifferently and settled down to sleep.

The confused blonde watched in shock as a horde of man-eating micies came stampeding towards them. The girl finally woke up to stare at these dread horrors and promptly decided that staying there was not something she wanted to do. Grabbing the new person's hand she dragged her towards the fighting men. 

"Move your butts! We got some new friends coming and I don't think they're nice," she screamed as she raced past the combatants. The two men paused to stare at the rising tide of furry bodies in horror before declaring a very, very temporary truce and following the girl and woman.

"What the hell are those things?" Spike cried as one leapt for his vulnerable ankle. It sunk its small teeth into the tendon and hung on for dear life as its victim continued to run.

"I don't know. I've never seen them here before." The girl tossed the vegetable woman at Mr. Vicious, who gladly caught her and was then mauled by Mr. Spike who wanted to hold the woman too. "Something must be happening. Before it was only me and the sheep. Then came the forks, then the sporks and now these rabid micies."

"Where to? Stop it! I caught her fair and square." Poor Julia found her upper body being held by Spike and Vicious hanging onto her legs tenaciously as the two men tried to fight over her, fight each other and outdistance the man-eating micies all at the same time. 

"To the forest! We might be able to lose them there!" Suddenly the moon came up and began to rise steadily towards its apex. "Crap! The sheep."

"Give her back!"

"Now way! Finder's, keeper's!" Vicious raced past carrying a comatose Julia over one shoulder very caveman-like. Spike ripped the micey on his ankle off and hurled it at his opponent. It sank its teeth into Vicious'…unmentionables and things got interesting.

****

Will they escape the horde of man-eating micies? Will Julia finally speak a whole sentence in under thirty minutes? Will she finally decide who she likes? Or will the sheep explode? The answers: Yes. Now which question is it the answer to? If you guessed the last then you win:

Esheep!!!!!! Now you can have your own freaky sheep goodness. Yes this whole thing is in honor of esheep, those adorable, big-eyed creatures that gave me the inspiration to do this. 

Baaaaah BOOOOOOM!!


	6. Another....Run for you LIFE!!!!!!!!

Hi there and thank you, especially to those who review and those who review with suggestions. *gives thumbs up* Yeah, I got a cookie! Anyways I'm writing another chapter to fulfil a couple of requests, both new and old, from reviewers. This has no plot, but it does have an ending. I know what it's gonna be too! I mean, how long do you think I can actually keep this thing up? After a while everyone's gonna get tired of it. So might as well quite while I'm ahead. I think there will be only one more chapter. And about the Yaoi (I don't know how to spell it), I'll just leave that to the reader's imagination. Who knows, maybe their fighting is merely how they express their latent desire for each other…*blushes and runs away*

Death Annoying/Annoyance

Suddenly silence descended upon the startled people. The sheep stopped exploding and the micies disappeared, well except for the one attached to a sensitive anatomical region of Vicious. That stayed much to Vicious' unhappiness. 

"What the hell?" a new voice demanded from the forest before them. "Where am I?"

"Wow…" Ari just stared at the new person with a look very similar to that which many twelve year olds get when coming face to face with the singer of some boy band.

"Gren…You're here too?"

"…Gren…?"

"I thought you finally died." The last was from Vicious who was still holding Julia who was being held onto by Spike who was being cudgeled by Vicious. It was quite a violent circle. Oh and the micey that was still there had lost its grip and flew into Julia's hair. The woman screamed and began to writhe in the man's grip.

"…Get…it…off…of…me…!" 

"Will you be the father of my children?" Ari asked in a near catatonic state. Gren looked at her and then looked at the others with a look of bewilderment. Then he looked down…

"They're gone!"

"You're right," Spike commented scrutinizing the other man's chest. "Definitely flat."

"I'm a man again!" Gren began to cheer, one arm flying out and knocking off the skull of a skeleton that had emerged from the woods next to him. The bony body that remained chased after the errant head and soon disappeared from sight.

Suddenly the cessation ceased and the sheep came stampeding over the hill, squishing the micies and blowing up for no extra charge. 

"Hair…pretty…" That too was from Ari who firmly attached herself to Gren's back and began playing with his hair. Julia was still freaking out as the micey made a rather cozy nest in her blonde locks. 

"Crap, the sheep. Move it!" Spike grabbed Julia's legs while Vicious hung on to her upper body and tried to remove the micey from her hair. Gren, still without a clue as to what was going on, followed. Ari remained glued to Gren's back and didn't even notice when her head collided with several tree branches. Once in a while a mumbled, "Hair…pretty…" could be heard from her.

****

Yes, only one more chapter and then it ends. Hey, everyone go read the flame I just got. So far I've gotten two flames out of all the stories I've ever written for this site. Pretty good, and no I haven't written two stories. I have some 20+ stories. Anyways, please review and tell me what you think, even if you decide to flame me because I'm weird/sick/twisted/mental deranged. I'll agree to all of those. *runs away laughing maniacally* 


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